KAT Elite Mod
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Well, perhaps I should say, Two Pirates, a Robocop and Optimus Prime! I have a tale to tell you, and it's a true story, about what happens when big corporations put technology to the test and replace their real customer service cops with technological marvels, and when modern day pirates lose their Black Pearl in a "shuck and jive" with a Middle Eastern/Oriental pirate with more chutzpah than a gorilla dude in the mating season!
By now, I think some of you know about my unfortunate encounter with another giant of industry here in the US, the United Parcel Services company, which graciously offered to ship my ailing computer to California, so that my son could repair it. Basically, my computer disappeared in the hold of their massive trucking fortress, and is now enjoying a new life in one of their pirate's little cove. Needless to say, they also got all my booty! Over 9K in books, 3 TB worth of data (books, movies, music, stupid jokes, funny pictures, questionable pirate trinkets). Everything. I have to chalk that one up to Pirate Karma. I'm still recovering from it, begging people daily for replacement copies of my precious books.
But that's really just the Preface to this Tale! My son replaced my lost computer for Valentine's Day, and Mama's got a brand new bag! My Black Pearl was replaced with a White Swan, and she was on the water, flags flying on Tuesday morning, February 16th. And that's when the pirate princess encountered the pirate from the far seas... or rather, his Trojan, who slid down the ropes into my Hold while I was trying to bring on a cute little app that makes pretty pictures on my Windows Media Player. I had even PAID for that app last year sometime... I was just getting a replacement copy for it by email. The foreign invader just slid in with the friend I invited, set up shop and proceeded to destroy my Windows 10 OS. It was very effective - my boat sank in about 10 minutes.
Okay, that's not the end of the tale! The Trojan put a Ransom Note up on my screen as my computer lay dying. It even came with a verbal announcement. The pirate was demanding that I call an (800) number and talk to a Microsoft Tech IMMEDIATELY because my IP had been compromised, and my bank records, all my data and my underwear were all compromised. The (800) was provided, of course... and being as my underwear is important to me, to say nothing of my White Swan...I called that damn number. LOW AND BEHELD! I got a Chinese (he sounded oriental) guy on the line, who lied like a rug and said he was with Microsoft, who said he could help fix up my PC... which by then was already going down, with water rising over the gunwhales... and he proceeded to give me a salesman's pitch about what the Trojan had done to my OS (he certainly knew that well), and how much it was going to cost to save it. He wanted $299.95 to restore my OS and raise my boat from Davy Jones Locker!
I put a halt to that in 5 seconds, but I was also desparate.. my PC was done for... I was lost. He talked me into allowing him to connect with my PC, and then HE connected my PC to PayPal on the Internet using Teamviewer... while my boat was bubbling at the bottom of the waves. Well, I didn't have 10 cents to my name at that point.. midway into the mizzens during a short month with nothing but a cheesy government pension check (long gone). But I let him TRY to charge me $20 American - he said he would take HALF ... he wanted at least $40!
And into my world peers the PayPal Laviathan...a robocop with the power to grant "mercy" to the likes of me. Voila! Pirate Vita Wangdopple from the Far Seas of.. I'm guessing, India? gets what he thinks is $20 American to "fix my computer", my fair White Dove, which he'd just sunk beneath the waves!
Well... he spent the whole day, literally, trying to do that - but he did such a good job of blowing a hole in my hold that he couldn't raise her! Eventually, I had to call the computer manufacturer to get help. I had a Windows 10 Reapir Disk.. but I couldn't get the computer to run the disk in the DVD drive! It had a Magic Access Code! OMG.. the boat builder put a magic spell on the OS repair disk! There's wizards in this story too! But I tell you this - I got the Master Wizard on the phone! He talked me through that damn magic spell - and all I had to do was press the space bar ONCE to get my dying computer DOS to grab that DVD and fire up that Windows 10 OS repair. 15 minutes later, my boat came flying out of the water, birds singing on the mast arms, rainbows bursting from the sea... and I was GOLDEN!
And there was the PayPal Robocop, grinning like he did something.... but what he did was to pay that friggin pirate from Gazonga the $20 that I didn't have to pay him to go away. And after that, it was time for war. I spent the last week dueling with PayPal's autopilot "Customer Service" over a dispute about the payment... but Optimus Prime backed me up.
My credit union defended me, blocked PayPal from getting the $20 from my bank, blocked the other pirate from getting anything from my bank, and they gave me a new booty bag (a new VISA debit card), and finally a new bank account. They also lectured me on the foolhardiness of sailing in foreign waters without protection, blah blah blah - and told me I better never do it again.
But the end of this tale is better than the start of it! I had filed a dispute with Paypal over this fight, and I had to deal with their Robocop threats and admonishments because I didn't have the $20 to give that blithering Chinese/East Indian pirate - and all the robot cared about was getting their $20 back. But since I had tweaked the hinny of the high-n-mighty PayPal, I got the attention of some real human beings over there, and my repeated insults to their robot about the $20, and who is the REAL VICTIM in this duel with the devil, they figured ut that they were NOT gonna get their $20 back from ME, cuz Optimus Prime was standing right behind me with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. AND THEY BACKED DOWN! Paypal agreed to "refund" my $20 (remove the $20 charge from my completely empty PayPal account, and put away their Robocop!
My White Swan is up and sailing, my arsh is out of their gun sight crosshairs, and that smart-arse Trojan Pirate from over yonder didn't get a DIME for his efforts! And THAT is the fairytale end of the story!
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