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updated 5 days ago
Sex: male
Country: United Kingdom United Kingdom
AhrimanThorn's Ideas | Summaries
Posts count: 2880

The Mighty Blogs of AhrimanThorn

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Do you wish you were a Super User or do you want to know how to correctly identify a Super User in the wild? Maybe you don’t like Super Users and you want to go on a murderous rampage brutally hunting them down and dispatching them while they cower in fear where you have trapped them on their profile pages? If any of these things are true then this is the blog for you.
Click it ------------> The Super Blog

Come inside and see the man chimp, be astounded as your ability to reason is tested and your very senses deceived by the awesome power of the obfuscation machine.
Click it ------------> Are You Human? Prove it!

Do you like huge alien battle robots with flashing eyes and deadly butt missiles? Me as well, but this blog is about something completely different.
Click it ------------> Please Don’t Eat My Face Mr Othersaur

It’s called Shaved. Come on what else could it be about? Don’t worry, if you delete your browsing history after viewing no one will know what you have been looking at.
Click it ------------> Shaved

So you want to get to know who AhrimanThorn really is but have always been too shy to approach him. His habit of talking about himself in the third person has made you wary and the overpowering and heady scent of his masculinity frightens you a little. Don’t worry; you can get a rare glimpse of this complex and sometimes tortured soul by reading this fascinating and insightful blog.
Click it ------------> A Late (But Nevertheless Epic) Introduction (The Thorn Chronicles Pt 1)

You like cake and you think zombies are cool, well you have come to the right place. I know you are probably stunned right now that you have found a place that caters to your strange little fantasies but don’t deny yourself any longer, you can have it all in this blog.
Click it ------------> Sponge Cake & Zombies (The Thorn Chronicles Pt 2)

We watched in horror as the darkness took KAT from us, and all was lost and made silent save the sounds of our cries of anguish.
Click it ------------> The Night of Great Woe

I will never forget Mervin Beach, he was a man whose name will live forever. People like Malcolm Leach are stars who shine brightly in the sky and remind us all of how important we each are. Read on my friends and find out just what did happen to my very dear and completely unforgettable friend Mandy Teach.
Click it ------------> The Tragic Tale of Melvin Peach (The Thorn Chronicles Pt 3)

The asking of the daily blog question is an honour that is bestowed upon only the most worthy so it was inevitable that one day I would be chosen to perform this most momentous of tasks. Do you dare attempt one of the daily questions set by Mr Thorn? Or will you be put off by his almost legendary ability to peer into the darkest recesses of your troubled mind by using real words to cunningly disguise his intent to get to know the real you? (Missing numbered blogs have been done by Lady Mas)
Click it ------------>Question 209, Question 272, Question 273, Question 274, Question 281, Question 282, Question 283, Question 284, Question 285, Question 287, Question 288, Question 289, Question 290, Question 291, Question 292, Question 293, Question 294, Question 296, Question 297, Question 301, Question 306, Question 333, Question 336, Question 341, Question 358

We all know AhrimanThorn is totally awesome and gets all the girls but did you know he also likes to take photos of things? No of course you didn’t because you were too busy admiring his bronzed rippling muscled body. Well wipe away the saliva from the corner of your mouth and look at something pretty for a change, because it just might broaden your mind, it probably won’t but it’s worth a shot.
Click it ------------> Painting With Light or Pretty Things

A tale of deer named after serial killers and little orphan children who may or may not have turned out to be zombies and of a girl named Kristen15.58K . A truly inspiring Christmas tale for the modern era.
Click it ------------> Ahriman & Kushina's Christmas Special

The ultimate Thorn Chronicles adventure. A story so big it had to be split into two parts and even then the awsometre was unable to keep up and broke one of its main flangelators. The tale of a man and a woman, of high passion and an artefact capable of raising a zombie army. You will hear about a person so sexy that it will make your under giblets tingle, and you will also hear about a smoking hot babe called Lilly.
Click it ------------>The Thorn Chronicles: Lilly
Click it ------------>The Thorn Chronicles: Lilly Part 2

What would you do if you had a chance to sit down and listen to a genuine lothario of love sharing his sage words of wisdom about that most enigmatic of creatures, the woman? Probably be willing to pay a little bit of money to attend such a lecture or maybe offer him a really large slice of chocolate cake. (I do love cake)
For the low low price of free, am going to share with you a few secrets that will change your life forever and turn you from a trembling and hesitant nerd into a man who brings out unbridled passion and desire in every women you meet.
Click it ------------>Girls

The story of one man's rise from Super User to Moderator. Read about the epic battle he fought to be recognised. Find out just what does go on behind the scenes here at KAT by seeing some of the secret tools Mods have at their disposal. Marvel at our heroes persistence in pursuit of his destiny against almost insurmountable odds. You'll laugh, you'll cry and hold your breath and ultimately fall into a sleep induced coma before the end.
Click it ------------>Mod Secrets

Tragedy strikes! A once great man brought low by the insidious and ever present existence of that thing we know as "The real world"
All Ahriman ever wanted was to be a Moderator so he could take advantage of people help people. He wanted to be able to use his power to get girls make things better for the little people. (I don't mean dwarves, I mean the ordinary users...and of course dwarves and pixies)
Now though this proud and noble man must step down and give up his power and in this blog you found out why. (Have a hanky ready because this one is sure to make you weep uncontrollably, never fear though, I am still here and my manly chest is here for you to lay your head upon when things get too much)
Click it ------------>UnMODified

Please take note. If you post images or a generic greeting on my wall that you have also posted on countless other peoples walls I will delete them. In short, GO AWAY AND SPAM OTHER PEOPLES WALLS!

Thank you, this has been a public service announcement brought to you from Thorn Industries™

PS. I will also put a curse on your undergiblets

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The Wall

Kristen15.58K Show comment
Nuuuuub <3 heya how are you look who is here on your wall
D.4.V.3.6578 Show comment
thump_up Thanks and have a good day thump_up
Claddentweed4094 Show comment
Thorn Industries
Thorn’s Way, Thornshire

Attention Messrs Thorn, Thorn, & Thorn:

I write to formally lodge a complaint in reference to your shamefully produced Thorn's Patented Man About Town™ Sock Garters.

These frustratingly rueful habiliments gravely torment the wearer due to highly mischievous, unacceptably inadequate, elastic tensile strength. This harrowing transgression is exacerbated by your packaging’s rather erroneous claim that ‘One Size Fits All’, a bold assertion which is utterly absurd, and completely inaccurate. For these trespasses I wish to firmly register my dissatisfaction, for I consider myself sorely abused.

Allow me to elaborate on why I feel so harassed; a condition chiefly owed to a multitude of negligent, inexcusable, quality oversight failures on the part of Thorn Industries…

Firstly, the garter clips themselves are too forgiving in their bite of the stocking. Secondly, there is no acquittal for the rest of the assemblage which has proven wretchedly impractical, having caused no end of unpredictable trauma throughout the course of a day.

From the outset it was utterly impossible to transition from sitting to standing without excruciating pain; or worse, a very disagreeable upwards or downwards unwonted surprise. I submit that it was not uncommon for the whole of a garter to loose itself under duress because of said truncated, strained lengths of elastic. Such events were announced by a very audible snap upon the rupturing of a truss, followed immediately by a noticeable quick ballooning of the front of my trousers as it dashed asunder (asunder if luck was with me), plainly observable to any unfortunate witness. The commensurate distasteful slumping of the sock in a wrinkly deflated jumble atop my oxfords, —oxfords now shabbily wreathed by your depressing black buckled tourniquet drowsing about the heel,— never improved the situation. This is a comparatively benign example.

Furthermore, as if that wasn’t enough to cause a gentleman displeasure, failure trajectory later shifted exclusively Northward without warning. I experienced one distinctly mortifying instance while in front of the Board of my firm where, upon bursting, one of your nasty buttresses launched straight up through my shirt collar, bloodying my ear in the course of its murderous ascent, and struck the ceiling above with an incredible force, creating an alarming sonic clap which frightened the bloody daylights out of everyone assembled. That was not a gratifying day, for my dignity eroded as fast as the covering on my shin.

Being a busy man pressed for time and not one to be beaten, I was patient, though growing increasingly indignant. I begrudgingly resigned myself to allow for some conditioning period. However, there was no median improvement. By the close of a fortnight, what were once taut as Egil’s bow became flaccid and devoid of all recoil. Contrary to all logic this was not at all an improvement, and provided no relief.
Claddentweed4094 Show comment
I descended into madness, repeatedly trying to secure the now toneless assemblages in all manner of desperate ways in an effort to compensate for their miserable pliancy, including but not limited to: miscellaneous creative knotting about the thighs; hoisting over the shoulders and tying off behind the neck in the manner of torturous macabre braces (this required terribly embarrassing assistance from a charitably discreet party occupying the better part of an hour); stretching the garter loop portions up with all my might and placing my forelimbs through to the armpits like some misbegotten masochistic gymnast (I then had to shamble about looking a palsied imbecile, avoiding picking anything up or making a rash gesture); extending them round behind and over my buttocks; and finally, on one futile and highly regrettable occasion, roughly lashing them to my scrotum in a hasty clove hitch.

Now, I don’t know what your idea of proper garters purports to be, but I don’t mind saying that when it comes to keeping up a man’s hosiery, disproportionate unnecessary callisthenics seems to me as unequivocally beyond the pale, and leads me only to conclude that in totality, your Patented Sock Garters are complete rubbish. Any so called ‘Man About Town’ subjected to enduring your barbarous, unpredictable contrivances, finds himself demoted to nothing more than a hapless Mendicant Fucked By Beguiling Marketing.

Adding further insult, when I phoned Thorn Customer Relations, one of your insolent representatives had the cheek to suggest that perhaps I should invest in some tighter socks. I don’t at all see how that is relevant, nor does it excuse disgraceful manufacture. Finding myself a bit miffed by a thwarted plea for amends, I immediately phoned a second time, escalating the situation to the attention of someone claiming to be possessed of greater authority. At this individual’s insistence I suffered a most tedious recounting of my inexorable failures— all the sordid humiliating attempts made to remedy the aforementioned, quite literal, injurious shortcomings. When I concluded there was a prolonged pause, and what I perceived to be muffled tittering in the background, revealing the fact that I was unwittingly placed on speakerphone during the course of my degrading tale. This low deceitful ambassador then inquired ‘whether I’d tried to fastening the clips to my nipples’, while obviously struggling to conceal his mirth. Before I could lash out at him, the cowardly devil promptly cut the line.

I ask you Sirs— are these the typical sort of scoundrels you employ to represent your dubious enterprise? Do you openly encourage heaping mockery upon aggrieved consumers? This certainly seems to be the case.

Needless to say, I demand my socks to be TAUGHT, and to STAY TAUGHT— without employing exhaustive Herculean counter-measures or Gordian ligature — a provision one would expect of ANY SENSIBLE SOCK GARTER. Your product does not fit that bill, and therefore I am returning them expectant of full, undisputed refund. Additionally, I shall not buy nor recommend ANY of your products in future, and will certainly do my damnedest decrying Thorn Industries unforgivable knavery to any and all individuals who come in my way.

Believe me to be,
In absolute disgust,

—Oliver Claddentweed

I wish to add for the record that I noticed what appears to be a farcical Limited Warranty coupon included in the packaging, indemnified by a ‘Undergiblet Coddling, Ltd.’, or some such nonsense. Cursory investigation revealed this to be a mere ruse of a front company, hence my addressing Thorn Industries directly.

Last edited by Claddentweed, 1 week ago

pityrules12.05K Show comment
...you need an intervention!

A Romanian intervention. They have only the finest hoisery here, the highest standard in compression-wear.
AhrimanThorn29.61K Show comment
It sounds as though you have had a truly dreadful experience sir.
Thorn Industries™ has been leading the way in hosiery and gussetry since we started supplying the pharaohs. In fact it was a fine pair of Egyptian cotton socks made by Thorn Industries™ that was presented to Amen-tut-ankh on the occasion of his eighteen birthday by his father the then Pharaoh, that launched us in that part of the world. People marvelled at the fine gold detailing round the little Anubis motifs.
It's true that a year later when Amen-tut-ankh was killed in that chariot accident some claimed it was a hosiery and chariot wheel incident waiting to happen. There has of course been no archaeological evidence found to support that claim. (Something our dig site recovery agents assure us is most unlikely to ever be found)
Give our long and mostly gusset fatality free history, it's shocking to hear that you have had such a bad experience.

As a part of the interview process for new employees they are required to go through some quite rigorous "Nippling training" which is designed to weed out the week from the strong. Candidates are required to spend a few weeks in quiet nipple contemplation before carrying on into the nipple manipulation phase. All of this is designed to help them to more easily think outside the box. (And the secret filming of the manipulation phase is used to ensure loyalty to the company)
You never should have been advised to use your nipples to secure your hosiery and I am most dreadfully sorry for that mistake. That kind of advice should only ever be given to those who have attended one of our "Alpha Nipple" lectures and weekend retreats.

Let me assure you Mr Claddentweed I always take complaints very seriously and I want to personally try to make this all up to you in a way that in no way at all, accepts any liability for any of our products or services.
I am dispatching to you a pair of Thorn Industries™ "Calf gel boosters" and some of our patented "Monkey starch" (We only milk Japanese Macaques for the starch we use so it's rated as an eleven on the stiffening scale)
Simply insert the gel boosters into the back of the socks and massage until soft and shape them as required. Spray on the starch and wait five minutes for everything to firm up and you will once again cut a dashing figure about town. (We have included a camera in this care package so just go ahead and film yourself doing all of this and then pop the memory card into the prepaid bag supplied and send it back to us. Well use the film for training purposes, and we definitely will not upload it to YouTube)

Yours faithfully

A. Thorn.

Founder and CEO of Thorn Industries™

GodAndUlster11.99K Show comment

AhrimanThorn29.61K Show comment
I have a sneaking suspicion that posting the identical image on one hundred and fourteen different profile pages just might be what some people consider "Wall Spam"
You might want to scroll a little way up my page and read the red text that's been there for about a year. lol (I've made it even brighter so it's more easily seen)

I won't delete it this time though because I admire your determination to get your message out there. lol

Last edited by AhrimanThorn, 3 weeks ago

chevydan3658442 Show comment
Hey just wanted to say the piece you did on "Why we do what we do" I thought was a perfect way to explain things. It really opened my eye's to things. Sometimes we take for granted, that the site is always up, and running, not who is making sure the cog's are turning. Thank You, ChevyDan biggrinrockpirate
AhrimanThorn29.61K Show comment
Glad you found the thread useful chevydan3658442
Always nice to get feedback from people.
Don't forget to include yourself as one of the people who keeps the cogs turning.

Maraya2120.21K Show comment
Hey there handsome! wave Haven't seen you around for quite some time now.. Hope everything is good over there!
Take Care lovelinesswave
AhrimanThorn29.61K Show comment
Handsome! Who me? Awww shucks. lol
No don't have a lot of free time anymore so sometimes don't even log in for weeks at a time. Wish I did have the time because I really miss being here.
Maraya2120.21K Show comment
Oh too bad! But real life comes first. You are surely missed around here! loveliness

GodAndUlster11.99K Show comment
AhrimanThorn29.61K Show comment
What a very strange post. You appear to have posted a single white full stop.
I really have no idea what that even means.
O.K now I can see an image instead of a tiny little invisible full stop. (Don't ask me how I can see invisible full stops, I'm not a crazy person, honestly)
Save the boobies!

Last edited by AhrimanThorn, 1 month ago

ugurano3928 Show comment
happy birthday and have fun
Dr.Ned3707 Show comment
Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry I missed it, I hope you had an amazing day!biggrinthump_up
lilithsintierra2328 Show comment
I didn't know it was your BDay so I guess congratulations are in order! I wish you the best today and every day! Feliz Cumpleaños!!!
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